


17 years

by Writing_mermaid



Category: Law & Order: SVU
Genre: F/M, Reader is american but french by her mother and irish by her dad, Slow Burn, change of POV, first person POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:55:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,605
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27182092
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Writing_mermaid/pseuds/Writing_mermaid
Summary: Y/N Y/L/N was the victim of a rapist when she was sixteen. At the time, the SVU team didn't manage to catch her rapist and it was decided that she should be protected. Y/N was given a new identity, Elsa Morningstar, and was forced to leave her parents and her life to live by herself, with her brand new identity. But 17 years later, the rapist is still free and she's forced to go back to New York, after receiving anonymous letters.
Relationships: Dominick "Sonny" Carisi Jr./Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 10





	17 years

**Author's Note:**

> That's my first SVU story, so I hope you'll like it.
> 
> Barba is still the ADA, he didn't resigned, Sonny is not an ADA yet, still a detective, Mike Dodds is still alive and didn't leave SVU and Olivia is captain anyway. Y/N was 16 in 2003.
> 
> Buy me a ☕ : https://ko-fi.com/darknessturnsmeon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song of the title : Who I Am - Natasha Bedingfield

Seventeen years. I haven’t been in New York for seventeen years, and in particular in front of that very building, the last one I visited before leaving the city, the Special Victim Unit’s precinct. I called last night, after work, detective Olivia Benson, asking if I could see her because it was urgent, it couldn’t wait, even if seventeen years has passed. So here I am, at the exit of the subway, in front of that big building that I hope I would never see again.

I take a deep breath, take my headphones from my ears, adjust my bag, and cross the street. I’m not sure that Olivia will recognize me. I still have the same Y/E/C eyes, and Y/H/C hair, but I grew up, I’m different in so many ways, I’m not the sixteen years old I was the first time we met. I step inside the revolving door at the front of the building. It wasn’t there the last time I came here. There’s a metal detector before you can reach the front desk, guarded by two policemen in uniform.

“What can I do for you ?”, the brunette behind the desk asks me, not looking up from the papers she has on her table, chewing a gum.

“I have an appointment with detective Olivia Benson”, I answer. “She’s waiting for me.”

The brunette finally rises her yes from the papers, looking at me from head to toes, still chewing her bloody gum.

“Name and ID card please.”

“Elsa Morningstar”, I respond, handing her my identity card.

She looks at me, as if it were a joke to her, as some might say, it’s a Disney princess name. She types on her keyboard, prints a little sheet, glues the paper on a badge and finally, hands me the nametag.

“Tenth floor”, she says, popping the gum out of her mouth.

“Thanks”, I grab the nametag and head to the elevators as fast as I can. The way she looked at me, makes me extremely uncomfortable, it’s like I’ve done something bad and she’s trying to make me admit that I’m guilty.

I press the elevator’s button, noticing that my hand is shaking. I’m nervous, I haven’t seen Olivia, nor Fin for seventeen years. They’re the two who continue to ask for some news over the past years, not a lot, but from time to time.

“Are you going up ?”, someone asks, making me out of my torpor.

“Yes”, I answer, conscious that I’ve been, once again, lost in my own thoughts. “Tenth floor please”, I continue when I see his fingers grazing over the floors’ buttons.

My heart starts to beat faster as the elevator goes higher. I can feel the gaze of the man next to me, probably wondering why I’m so nervous. A little ding indicates the sixth floor, where the man exists, before another one notify the door closing.

“Hold the door !”, a thick Staten Island accent shouts from the hall.

I hit the open button and he enters the cabin.

“Thanks”, he says, catching his breath, bend in two.

“You’re welcome”, I answer, giving him a small smile and taking a quick look at him.

“Seems that you and I are going to the same floor”, he smiles back.

Slicked back blond hair, very tall, he makes me think about Jerusha Abbott’s Daddy-Long-Legs, as she describes him in Jean Webster’s book, he has some files in his big hands. I try not to stare, because first, it’s rude and second, I hate being stared at. He might feel that I look at him, because I see his ears turning pink and his gaze side-eye me, making me blush too. I look back at the grey door in front of me, a little embarrassed. Another ding warns us that the elevator reaches its destination.

“Well, that’s us”, the tall guy says when the door opens. “Have a nice day”, he flashes a smile at me exiting the cabin, turning left in the hallway.

“Have a nice day too”, I say, replacing a Y/H/C strand behind my ear.

I step outside of the elevator and look around me. The bullpen changed a lot, the space is brighter than it used to be. The desks aren’t glued together like it was. I like the new arrangement better than the previous one, it also looks less crowded than before. I head to the reception desk of the floor.

“Good morning. I have an appointment with detective Benson, she’s expecting me”, I tell the man sitting behind the desk.

“Long time no see, kiddo”, a drawling voice comes from behind. “Everything is good Jonas, you can let the lady come in here without checking, I can vouch for her, she’s an old friend.”

Jonas just nods and I make my way to the man behind me.

“I’m glad to see you Fin, it’s been a very long time”, I say, hugging him.

“A very long time indeed”, he responds, letting me go. “What’s bring you here ?”, he asks.

“I called Olivia, I needed to see her”, I answer.

“Well ya know she’s the captain now.”

“Really ?”

“Yeah, and I’m a lieutenant.”

“That’s amazing, congratulations. But that means that Captain Cragen is not here anymore.”

“He’s retired.”

“I see, and what about Elliot and Munch and Casey and Huang ?”

“I’ll be happy to fill the blanks”, a feminine voice says behind me.

“Hi Olivia”, I shoot her a wide smile.

“Hello Elsa, I’m very pleased to see you”, she smiles back at me, but she notice that I cringe at the name. “Let’s go in my office would you, we’ll be more comfortable to talk about what you wanted us to talk.”

“Thanks”, I follow her while she leads the way. “See you after”, I turn back to Fin.

“I count on it, you don’t leave without telling me what brings you here and about your life.”

“I promise.”

Olivia opens the door of her office and invites me in, showing me a chair facing her desk.

“What about the old team, where are they ? Fin told me that Captain Cragen retired, but he didn’t have time to tell me about Munch, Elliot, Casey and Huang.”

“Munch left a few years ago, Elliot resigned after a case ended badly. Huang now works in Oklahoma City and Casey, she just left after an exceedingly difficult trial”, she tells me, pouring two glasses of water, one for her, one for me.

“I’m sad, I didn’t really have news of any of them, I was expecting, maybe to at least see Elliot and maybe Casey. I had no idea that so much bad things happened.”

“You couldn’t know”, she says, putting down the glass of water in front of me. “So, Elsa, what’s bring you here”, she asks, sitting down in turn.

“Please Olivia, don’t call me that”, I sigh.

“I’m sorry Y/N, but I have to, we don’t know who’s around, so I have, you have, and everyone has to use your alias.”

“I’m not sure it’s useful anymore”, I sigh once again. “He has found me.”

Olivia looks at me with wide eyes and her mouth opens and closes as a goldfish out of its tank.

“He found me, Olivia”, I repeat. “Gray Gorman found me.”

The silence in the room is heavy. She doesn’t say a word while I fumble in my bag to find the letters I received a little more than a month before.

“I don’t know how he managed to, no one was supposed to find me or know who I really am. Only my family knows my alias, my family, the police, and the victim protection program. I was supposed to have fell of the grid.”

I hand her the letters. She puts her glasses on her nose to read it.

“When did you receive it ?”, she asks me, putting down the letters but keeping her glasses.

“The first one arrived one month and a half ago, at first, I thought someone was playing with me, that he couldn’t have find me after all this time. That maybe he would have forgot me. But he didn’t, and the letters continue to come, one by one. I didn’t know what to do. And when I received the last one, I knew that I had to tell you. I knew he would never forget me, I don’t know why, and I don’t how he found me, but he did Olivia. That proves that changing my name, moving out of New York, pretending to be someone else, keeping a low profile didn’t work either. I’m tired of hiding, can’t you just reopen the case to finally find him, I want my life back Liv.”

She’s looking at me and I can say that she’s searching for a solution.

“Can you stay here for the day ?”, she finally asks me after a few minutes.

“I can, I planned to stay here all day. If it’s okay that I stay at the precinct all day.”

“You can stay here”, she says. “I’ll call Rafael Barba, our ADA, we could figure something out with his help. Make yourself at home”, she adds raising from her seat, motioning to the couch behind me. “Don’t contact anyone, not even your parents, I’ll let them know about everything when we find a solution. For now, you stay here.”

With that, she pulls her cell from her pants pocket and dials a number.

“Rafael, it’s Olivia, can you come at the precinct quickly. I need your help.”

And she goes out of her office.


End file.
